Queer Visalia - A local gay blog

My job gives me the frequent opportunity to be witness, if only at a distance, to some of the really dumb things people do.  Tonight was no exception.

I took a 9-1-1 call Saturday night about someone brandishing a handgun at the caller, while he was at a party.  Pretty cut and dried, right?  Fun times, good friends, and then some jerk with a gun goes and ruins things.  Well, things are seldom as they seem, and almost never like they try to tell you at first.

I’m speaking to a man on the phone, and I immediately know….   he’s “family”.  Sometimes you can just tell. He sounds like he’s about 19 or 20, and he’s telling me about this guy that put a gun to his head at a party, and threatened to shoot him.  So I start the questions, to determine just what we have.  Is this situation just someone showing off a gun he brought to the party, and the caller got spooked?  Or do we have gangsters crashing someone’s party, and are they about to create a big mess?   The only problem is, the caller’s answers aren’t making a whole lot of sense.  First it sounds like someone is just flashing a gun.  As I delve deeper, I find out that, no, it wasn’t just someone flashing a gun around, the suspect held it to my caller’s head and threatened to shoot him!  The ‘friend’ who was throwing the party distracted the guy with the gun, and my caller fled.  Calling 9-1-1 on his cell phone, CHP transfers him to me, and I find out this guy doesn’t have a clue as to where he is!  All he knows is he is in Ducor, and the party is on such and such street. (Don’t want to get overly specific here, Have to keep the details of stories like this more general) I’m trying to figure out where he is, but he’s not helping.  He doesn’t know the address of the party, and can only give me directions. He doesn’t know his ‘friends’ last name.  He does manage to stop at a convenience store, but other than the gas company name, he does not know what it’s called or what the address is.  Once I figure out where I’m going to send the deputy, I ask him what kind of vehicle he’s in.  He doesn’t know!  Well, he knows he’s in a white Chevy pickup, but that’s it.  Seems it’s his uncle’s truck, and he doesn’t know what kind it is.  (sheez…  they usually say right on the dashboard somewhere!)  I get him to tell me the story again, and in the subtle pauses, careful phrasing, and obviously made up name, I’m getting a whole different picture of what happened.

This is what I think went down.  Our clueless caller gets invited to a party in a remote, small community, by someone whom he does not really know.  Probably got hooked into the party over the internet.  So he shows up, and starts to party with his new ‘buddy’.  Now, the more I’ve listened to ‘clueless’, the more I’m sure he’s family.  Like I said, sometimes you can just tell.  So, I bet he started getting bitchy and queeny, and said the wrong thing to the wrong straight guy, and instead of getting a drunk sputtering in his face, he ended up with a Glock in his ear!   Not a smart move in the company of strangers!

Now he’s waiting a few blocks away for a cop.  After a bit, it must dawn on him that the road the store is on is about the only way in or out of the town.  If ‘man with a gun’ leaves the party, he’ll probably drive right by ‘clueless’ and might see him.  He probably also realises his story is going to unravel under the personal questioning of a deputy.  ‘Clueless’ decides discretion is the better part of valor, and leaves to head back to Porterville or wherever Uncle lives.  He calls back, and is irate that we need him to park it somewhere so we can find him.  He shouts something along the lines of “if I get shot it will be your fault!” and disconnects.

I trust he got home, and I hope he learned his lesson.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. If you’re at a party full of queers, be as bitchy and queeny as you want.  You’ll probably (note.. “probably”) be OK.  When you are at a party of strangers, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, BEHAVE YOURSELF! Try that bitchy, queeny attitude or suggest that someone might enjoy playing on our team, and you’re likely to end up just like ‘clueless’….   with a gun in your face!  Some of those guys from the Ducor area have NO problems shooting people….  they’ve likely done it before.  And they’ll get extra points from their buddies if it’s a fag that gets shot.

If you choose to disregard this advice, please…   be sure your next of kin has your up-to-date information.  It will speed up the release of your body from the coroner’s office.