LGBTQ Life On Line in the Central Valley

Our February program is one that connects us all via blogging with our favorite bloggers.

Jim Reeves – Queerlandia/QueerVisalia

Brooke Burke – GayVisalia/GayPorterville

Justin Kamimoto, Ted Freitas – MyLGBTPlus

Andrew Miller – PFLAG Tulare and Kings Counties fb page

Lots of information, lots of connections, and lots of support! We look forward to seeing everyone.

Photo: Visalia Times Delta / Ron Holman

Ten days after the event, the Visalia Times Delta, our local newspaper, finally carried an article on the suicide of EricJames Borges, who took his own life at nineteen.

Prior to this article, the only mention was this announcement about a memorial service to be held at the community college he attended.

The newspaper was apparently working on Saturday’s front page, above-the-fold, story since shortly after the suicide, but there was only the one small item about the first of two memorials printed. While other papers and television stations in the area were carrying the news, the Visalia Times Delta seemed strangely quiet. This led to speculation in the community that the paper was ignoring the story.

Media around the world, including outlets in Norway, Sweden, Italy, the United Kingdom, the Washington Post, as well as countless other US sites, carried the news.

The first wave of readers to the articles breaking the news, here at QueerLandia and QueerVisalia, were from Facebook users. Shock and grief spread rapidly as users shared the links among themselves. The Huffington Post picked up the story, and created another wave of hits to the articles. The next big wave came when Andrew Sullivan ran a piece on his blog at the Daily Beast. Other blogs and news services around the world carried stories about EricJames, but there was nothing from the Visalia Times Delta.

The Visalia Times Delta is to be commended for the coverage finally printed, but the path to that result could have been better plotted. There could have been an initial announcement, especially once the realization set in that this was indeed major news, that the paper was working to cover the story. Most people had to rely on the internet and other local news sources for ten days worth of coverage on the tragedy. Making your customers go to your competitors for information is not usually a wise business strategy, especially with the stresses on print media these days.

Doing an in-depth, thorough story on suicide was a good call, but taking ten days to do it isn’t really helping the community one serves as much as you could. There should have been a series of smaller articles, geared to provide coverage of the sad news, the effect it was having in the LGBTQ, online, and college communities, and designed to culminate in the major exposition on suicide, the common signs, and the aftermath.

The suicide of EricJames has shaken the LGBTQ community, as well as the wider community, deeply. It’s clear from the outpouring at his memorial services, and from the online chatter, that his influence on those he met was vast, and positive. Many people will carry on his efforts to combat injustice, bigotry, religious persecution, and bullying. They will strive to reach out to vulnerable members of their varied communities, offering hope and love to those struggling. To help everyone find the place in their own lives where they can say “It Gets Better”.

Visalia Times Delta/Ron Holman

VTD article, here.

Long before I began my intimate relationship with the LGBTQ community, before my son came out as gay, when my two kids were small children, I took my boys to see a Broadway Show in NYC while their mother did something else with a friend. The show, written by Steven Sondheim was “Into the Woods” Its a retelling of classic Fairy Tales but with unexpected outcomes showing that sometimes there is no “Happily Ever After” after all. That show has been haunting me for days. Specifically one song, “Children Will Listen” The words I keep hearing over and over in my head are

How do you say to your child in the night?
Nothing’s all black, but then nothing’s all white.
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it might not be true?
What do you do?

Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say “Listen to me”
Children will listen

The death of a young man, barley more than a child, this week past makes me acutely aware that children will indeed listen. They listen to messages of hate and messages which set them apart as being different, damaged, or sick. These messages are delivered by people who ostensibly love them, and yet, they hurt deeply. These messages are given to impressionable youth on both side of the spectrum, however: the ones who will be ostracized and those who will ostracize. It is time for all of us to look deeply into ourselves and filter messages that can harm. Because, children will listen and we want them to hear the right message, not the wrong one.

Reprinted with permission.

EricJames, as he was known to his friends, was 19, and his death has struck a chord world-wide. News sites and blogs around the world have carried the report, with people writing how the news has touched them with sadness, and has strengthened their convictions to work harder on suicide prevention, and the acceptance of LGBTQ+ people of all ages.

Two public memorials are planned:

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

College of the Sequoias 915 S. Mooney Blvd, Visalia The Theatre Arts Department will hold a public memorial at 3:00 – 6:00 pm. See their Facebook event site, here. A map to the College is here.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Spiritual Awareness Center 117 S. Locust St., (map)

UPDATE

*** Due to capacity considerations, please note the change in location***
Sat 1/21,  1 – 2:30p,  Lamp Liter Inn, 3300 W. Mineral King Ave., Visalia, CA, map
For those that have asked what they can do to help: we are asking everyone to bring oragami cranes to the service as a sign of love and hope. There is a restaurant at the inn, but we will not be able to do food service at the event. We will be accepting donations to the EricJames Borges Memorial Scholarship to be administered through the Visalia Pride Lions Club. Cards & flowers can be brought to the service. Love & peace to all during this difficult time.

Please join us for this day of remembrance. All are welcome. We are hoping to provide a time and space for love, acceptance and memories. Service to provide unconditional love and support for friends, family, and community members. For additional information, please contact me or Van.

Please help us get the word out regarding the venue change!

Facebook event page, here.

College of the Sequoias Theatre
915 S. Mooney Blvd, Visalia, California
View Map · Get Directions

As much of our community now knows, our student and friend, Eric James Borges, succumbed to suicide on Wednesday evening, January 11. The world has lost a beautiful, gentle, and nurturing soul from his passing, and the COS Theatre Department would like to provide an opportunity for his friends and admirers to gather together to discuss his life and his legacy. We will be showing some of his work, reading from some of his stories, and offering an outlet for folks to ask questions and receive guidance during this difficult time. If you would like to offer any assistance with this gathering, please contact Professor Chris Mangels at chrism@cos.edu.

If anyone would like to talk to someone about the loss of EricJames, or may have thoughts about suicide , please contact the the Trevor Project lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Please feel free to spread the word about this event.

Facebook event page.

A second memorial service is planned for Saturday, January 21.  More details later.

From the Facebook page of EricJames

Eric James Borges, 19, of Visalia, succumbed to suicide Wednesday, January 11, 2012. Known as EricJames to his friends, he was an intern with the Trevor Project, and a Supplemental instructor at the College of the Sequoias.

Word began spreading late Wednesday among shocked and saddened friends and acquaintances. Not accepted by his birth family, EricJames was striking out on his own, trying to deal with his personal situation, but also wanting to help others. Sadly, even involvement with the Trevor Project was not enough to help him navigate the turbulent waters of young adulthood.

I met EricJames recently, at the launching of My LGBT Plus, a youth oriented resource site, based in Fresno. A brief introduction left me with the impression of a fine young man, and I regret that I did not get to know him better.

Friends have begun planning a memorial, details will be updated here as they become available.

Our condolences to the family and friends of EricJames.

If you are finding it difficult to deal with the issues of being LGBTQ, the Trevor Project is available, with peer counselors available to talk to you about problems you may be facing. Contact them at The Trevor Project, or call the toll-free hotline, at 866-488-7386. Help is available, and people are ready to listen.

UPDATE: 2:30 pm 1/12/12
EricJames’ “It Gets Better” video:

And a short movie EricJames made about love:

UPDATE: 1/13/12 0400 PST
The first of two memorials has been announced. See the newer post for information, here.

When you attend this meeting be prepared for an engaging, informative, and entertaining discussion on the topic: “What PFLAG means to me.”

We have a number of interesting speakers who will be addressing this important matter, providing insight into, not only what our organization is all about, but also how it has affected their lives. There will be ideas about what our members and those in attendance expect during the year ahead.

Participation from all in attendance is encouraged. It is thought provoking…..so think about it prior to Sunday, January 15…..Why do we attend PFLAG? What does the organization mean to you?

Sunday, January 15, 2012 3 – 5 pm

Family HealthCare Network

305 East Center Street (Corner of Bridge Street) Visalia

(Use the courtyard entrance on Bridge. Pedestrian gate is in the alley.) Map: Click here

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,100 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Please join us for our annual holiday party, Sunday, December 18, 2011 3 PM to 5 PM, which includes a white elephant gift exchange followed by a potluck which is always wonderful and varied.

******Support Group time will precede our holiday celebration******

PFLAG Tulare and Kings Counties is supporting Food Link this season. There are many families in need of food, but donations are lower than usual. Please bring money, cash or checks payable to PFLAG Tulare and Kings Counties or Food Link, if possible. Food Link has tremendous buying power when they shop with cash.

*White Elephant Gift Exchange – We are asking people to limit their items to something they already own, but would be quite pleased to no longer do so, or something that costs &1.00 or less! There is a lot out there for just a dollar and much in our homes that becomes funny in a gift exchange. Will the bowling trophy be back this year???

Family HealthCare Network
305 East Center Street (Corner of Bridge Street)
Visalia
(Use the courtyard entrance on Bridge. Pedestrian gate is in the alley.)